bitch please

this is my dog. she hates children, is incapable of love, and is possessed by the devil. at least in my opinion.
seriously? crying during shahs of sunset AGAIN? i can’t even look at you right now.

seriously? crying during shahs of sunset AGAIN? i can’t even look at you right now.

This is Chanel. She was named by my sister, but only loves my dad. When I come home, she looks at me with her devil eyes and bites my ankles. The vet once told my mom that she has a “totem pole of love” and I’m at the bottom. All I want is a dog that loves me, but I’m stuck with this bitch. Yeah, at first she looks cute, right? That’s what I thought too, until I came home from college for the first time and she tried to rip my eyeballs out of their sockets while I was holding her. I have tried every trick in the book from holding her a lot (Wrong. She claws at me to put her down) to the occasional treat (Fail. When I give her cheese this sneaky bitch pretends to love it but then has diarrhea to spite me). I’ve given up on trying to love her, because I would officially be a masochist.Essentially, think of the book as “HOW TO TELL IF YOUR CAT IS PLOTTING TO KILL YOU” meets “BOO” + “DOG SHAMING.” She’s like a canine siren that lures you in and then bites your face. Please enjoy “BITCH PLEASE: MY DEVIL POSSESSED DOG IS INCAPABLE OF LOVE”.
 
Concept of the book would be a mixture of photos and illustrations, and additional photos to those on this tumblr can be easily provided by myself and family members.

This is Chanel. She was named by my sister, but only loves my dad. When I come home, she looks at me with her devil eyes and bites my ankles. The vet once told my mom that she has a “totem pole of love” and I’m at the bottom. All I want is a dog that loves me, but I’m stuck with this bitch.

Yeah, at first she looks cute, right? That’s what I thought too, until I came home from college for the first time and she tried to rip my eyeballs out of their sockets while I was holding her. I have tried every trick in the book from holding her a lot (Wrong. She claws at me to put her down) to the occasional treat (Fail. When I give her cheese this sneaky bitch pretends to love it but then has diarrhea to spite me). I’ve given up on trying to love her, because I would officially be a masochist.

Essentially, think of the book as “HOW TO TELL IF YOUR CAT IS PLOTTING TO KILL YOU” meets “BOO” + “DOG SHAMING.” She’s like a canine siren that lures you in and then bites your face. Please enjoy “BITCH PLEASE: MY DEVIL POSSESSED DOG IS INCAPABLE OF LOVE”.

 

Concept of the book would be a mixture of photos and illustrations, and additional photos to those on this tumblr can be easily provided by myself and family members.

i’ll kutchu

i’ll kutchu

red rum.

red rum.

desperately attempting to escape my arms as i swaddle her with love

desperately attempting to escape my arms as i swaddle her with love

text from my mom “look who’s ready for hanukkah!!!”
uhhh…more like, look who’s ready to gouge out my eye balls

text from my mom “look who’s ready for hanukkah!!!”

uhhh…more like, look who’s ready to gouge out my eye balls

i’m all “love me!” and she’s all “kill yourself”

i’m all “love me!” and she’s all “kill yourself”

this is chanel. she was named by my sister, but only loves my dad. when i come home, she looks at me with these devil eyes and bites my ankles. the vet once told my mom that she has a “totem pole of love” and i’m at the bottom. all i want is a dog that loves me, but i’m stuck with this bitch.

this is chanel. she was named by my sister, but only loves my dad. when i come home, she looks at me with these devil eyes and bites my ankles. the vet once told my mom that she has a “totem pole of love” and i’m at the bottom. all i want is a dog that loves me, but i’m stuck with this bitch.